"Ponder the path of your feet. And let all your ways be established. "Prov. 4:26; "Therefore, we are buried with Him….even so, we also should walk in newness of life." Rom. 6:4; "For we walk by faith, not by sight" 2 Cor. 5:7; "I…beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called." Eph. 4:1; "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise." Eph. 5:15; "But if we walk in the light as He is in the light…" 1 John 1:7; "This is the condemnation, that light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light." John 3:19
John 3:19 is about rejecting Christ as the light of life unto salvation. The other verses all refer to our walk with Christ after salvation, but there are other applications we can render towards our marriages. Oswald Chambers in his book, Shadow of Agony, states “the character of one who begins to walk in the light is that he drags himself into the light all the time. He does not make excuses for things done in the dark, he brings everything to the light, and says, ‘This is to be condemned: this does not belong to Jesus Christ’, and so keeps in the light. He further states that if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we don’t have anything folded up, we don’t juggle things, we don’t pretend we have not done anything shady. If we commit sins, we confess them, we walk in the light so that we may have fellowship with everyone else who is there, i.e. in our marriages, with our spouse.
In your marriage, do you walk in darkness? If you haven’t read Michael Burner’s post titled, "Whoever Says Fool…", I encourage you to do that right now. He defines the many ways we are saying ‘you fool’ in our hearts (in regards to our spouse) without actually saying the words you fool. If our hearts are troubled, bitter, proud, and self-centered (and we can be blind to our self-centeredness), if God is shedding light in areas of our marriage that are dark… then we have confessing we need to do, certainly to God our Father as individuals, but probably to one another too.
Most psychologists agree that the most difficult topics to talk about in marriage are sex, finances, parenting and intimacy, --the subtopics are endless. How do you begin to talk about these things? Before you bring the need to your spouse, you begin with prayer as an individual. You begin asking God for wisdom, direction. You begin examining your own heart asking God to reveal your own self-centeredness and where you may be considering your spouse to be the fool in regard to the topic you want to address. Begin with your own personal confession before God. As you come together, begin with prayer for one another and for your marriage.
We make appointments with co-workers, friends, even those with whom we have conflict, to ‘meet’ and talk about what needs to be talked about. ‘When’ you talk about something is just as important as the what. Make a point to let you spouse know you need to talk about ______ , then ask when they would be willing to sit down with you.
Be careful to use, I feel statements. Be careful not to use, you always, you never, statements. Then listen to one another to understand your spouse, over being understood. Listen to the end. Don’t try to solve their problem, especially before you hear it. Make mental notes or write down, what are they feeling? Did they share thoughts about fears, concerns, or trust that you can reassure them about? Do you catch yourself thinking of them as the ‘fool’ as you listen to them?
Light dispels darkness. That is a fact. The more light you have, the less darkness there is with which to contend. God wants to clean up and make new the areas of darkness in our lives and in our marriages. It is a journey, a process; "But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son, cleanses (present, active and ongoing) us from all sin."
Our Father, help us not to love darkness more than we love the light of Christ. Help us to say no to ungodliness and help us to walk in newness of life.