ADDING ENERGY TO THE SYSTEM

I don’t like conflict. I never really have. At times, I’ve avoided necessary conversations simply because I didn’t want to cause a stir. Other times, I’ve struggled internally, wondering if the problem I was considering addressing was really about the other person—or if God was using the tension to refine something in me. Would everything resolve if I just worked on my own heart, or was there a legitimate issue that needed to be confronted, even if it might not go well?

That kind of reflection can be healthy—if I truly forgive and move on. But more often than not, this line of reasoning becomes an excuse to avoid difficult but necessary conversations. When we consistently dodge addressing sin or dysfunction, we settle into patterns of avoidance. Relationships grow distant. People stop engaging. What results is a kind of false peace—a dysfunctional status quo that everyone tolerates, but no one thrives in.

This "settling" reminds me of something I learned in a college thermodynamics class: systems naturally seek their lowest energy state. A ball rolls downhill until it finds a resting place. But that resting place isn’t always the best one—it’s just where things got stuck. In order to get the system out of that rut, you have to add energy.  You have to move the ball out of its resting place by temporarily moving it to a higher place so it can start rolling again and find a better resting location.

Sometimes relationships are like that too. They’ve settled into a place that isn’t healthy, but it feels stable enough—until someone has the courage to shake things up a bit. It’s like shaking a snow globe when the pieces have settled on one of the features inside the snow globe instead of on its floor. It may feel chaotic for a moment, but the shaking allows things to resettle into a better, more beautiful arrangement. Yes, it may be uncomfortable. Yes, it may create temporary tension. But often that’s exactly what’s needed to bring lasting health.

Scripture calls us to that kind of loving engagement. In Matthew 18:15–17, Jesus teaches that when a brother or sister is in the wrong, we should go to them privately and seek resolution. If that doesn’t work, we try again with one or two others. If needed, the matter is brought before the church. But the principle is clear: we are not to ignore sin, nor are we to gossip about it or silently stew in frustration.

When we avoid dealing with problems, bitterness often takes root. Frustration festers and leaks out through gossip or veiled “prayer requests.” We ignore clear instructions like Colossians 3:16, which tells us to let the Word of Christ dwell in us richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom.

Admonishing one another isn't about self-righteous correction—it’s about mutual care. It’s about seeking unity, removing obstacles, and restoring joy in the body of Christ. And when someone brings a concern to us, our first response shouldn’t be defensiveness but humility. Because we all need one another to grow.

Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is to add a little energy to the system.