A TREE AND ITS FRUIT

Talking with God is easy. Just talk to Him. Then just talk to Him with your spouse. Welcome to session 2 of Soul Refiner. Soul Refiner is a marriage program that our Faith Bible Church Marriage Ministry will be offering.

“Lord help me talk to my spouse about the bad fruit growing on our marriage tree.” “And then Lord, be with us, send the cavalry, protect our words to change the bad fruit into good fruit as only You can do.” Be brave, marriage partners, as you discuss and prune. There is new growth in painful pruning. How to start: Remember to pray. God really loves our dependence on Him and will help us. Second - engage your brain before your mouth. You don’t start a discussion with a chainsaw on your marriage tree.

If you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (H.A.L.T) - reschedule. How to fight: Fight fairly. Do not yell or curse or name call. Limit each spouse time to talk to 5 minutes each for each category: 5 minutes each for “the facts,” 5 minutes each for “how does that make me feel,” 5 minutes each for “possible solutions you individually can do” and finally 5 minutes for consensus. This conflict resolution does work well and is used in our Strong Marriages mentor program. Now you have to be vulnerable and confess your bad fruit. You need to recognize when you do not see good in your spouse. It is characterized by being too busy, blaming, withholding love and withholding praise, unwanted criticism, anger/silence, control over money, and roommate status. But you are responsible for you.

You are also responsible to be intimate with your spouse. You belong to your spouse and since intimacy on all levels is mostly mental you should talk to your spouse. Soul Refiner addresses Intimacy Anorexia (IA) really well. We highly recommend it, but we will leave the rest to you signing up for the course. The other spouse suffers from your bad fruit by feeling unwanted, unnoticed, worthless, and hurt. “They have to beg to be loved, heard, seen, or touched.” There is hope in your discussions. “By actively and intentionally giving the fruits of the Spirit to each other, the sin of withholding will decrease and your marriage can heal.”

Look forward to signing up for Faith Bible Church’s Soul Refiner starting in January 2021! Marriages are worth fighting for.

by Steve Sagué

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