ROAD TO RECOVERY
In our course Soul Refiner Stronger Together Marriage sessions 1-3, we have begun to recognize Intimacy Anorexia in marriage. Healing comes through first becoming dependent on God and then recognizing how we deny our spouses. If we rely on “ok, I am an IA, but what is the big deal? I work, I provide and I am better than most.” We are missing the point. We are missing a central truth that God is not separate from our marriage. Marriage is a three-way relationship between a man, a woman and God. Sessions 4 and 5 uniquely calls God our Father-In-Law God. God is in our marriage and expects the three of you to pursue each other. So being a self-proclaimed IA is not the answer He desires. What is next?
Look at each other. Are you just moving to God and your spouse? Are you just doing the tasks: read my Bible, serve in church, fix dinner, never commit adultery? Amazingly, this is an IA. We need to move toward God and our spouse. Pursuing God and pursuing our spouse is next.
How do you pursue your spouse? If you are married to the IA, you may be blaming yourself and possibly enabling your IA. You need to pursue your IA by establishing boundaries. Stop over functioning in doing what they want. And if you do not want to ruffle feathers for yourself, do it for your children or your friends. Know this: God is responsible to heal your IA. You are responsible to seek your relationship with your heavenly Father. Your relationship with God can heal your IA. What specifically then do both of you do?
Specifically, you both practice “The Three Dailies” together: • Share two feelings daily (to become more transparent to each other) • Offer two praises to your spouse daily (to renew love for your spouse) • Pray with and for your spouse - out loud - each day (become dependent on your Father-In-Law God to heal you)
Second, know your spouse’s love language by exchanging the results of the Love Languages survey by Gary Chapman www.5lovelanguages.com. Take the time to know your spouse’s love language and then give that love language to your spouse. We move toward our spouse by giving your spouse what they desire.
Third, review the standard wedding vows: forsake all others, love your spouse, honor your spouse and cherish your spouse. Discuss and then write down your plan to accomplish your vows to your spouse. The testimonies through-out the Stronger Together course of couples living their vows are very helpful and worth your time.
In closing, God is the great Father-in-Law God. He wants you to succeed and will help you. He also wants you to enjoy the community of others to encourage you. Transparency in a safe small group aids the healing God is doing. Be encouraged, you may be starting in the desert but God can make your marriage into a lush garden. Join our “garden growing” marriage group.
Look at each other. Are you just moving to God and your spouse? Are you just doing the tasks: read my Bible, serve in church, fix dinner, never commit adultery? Amazingly, this is an IA. We need to move toward God and our spouse. Pursuing God and pursuing our spouse is next.
How do you pursue your spouse? If you are married to the IA, you may be blaming yourself and possibly enabling your IA. You need to pursue your IA by establishing boundaries. Stop over functioning in doing what they want. And if you do not want to ruffle feathers for yourself, do it for your children or your friends. Know this: God is responsible to heal your IA. You are responsible to seek your relationship with your heavenly Father. Your relationship with God can heal your IA. What specifically then do both of you do?
Specifically, you both practice “The Three Dailies” together: • Share two feelings daily (to become more transparent to each other) • Offer two praises to your spouse daily (to renew love for your spouse) • Pray with and for your spouse - out loud - each day (become dependent on your Father-In-Law God to heal you)
Second, know your spouse’s love language by exchanging the results of the Love Languages survey by Gary Chapman www.5lovelanguages.com. Take the time to know your spouse’s love language and then give that love language to your spouse. We move toward our spouse by giving your spouse what they desire.
Third, review the standard wedding vows: forsake all others, love your spouse, honor your spouse and cherish your spouse. Discuss and then write down your plan to accomplish your vows to your spouse. The testimonies through-out the Stronger Together course of couples living their vows are very helpful and worth your time.
In closing, God is the great Father-in-Law God. He wants you to succeed and will help you. He also wants you to enjoy the community of others to encourage you. Transparency in a safe small group aids the healing God is doing. Be encouraged, you may be starting in the desert but God can make your marriage into a lush garden. Join our “garden growing” marriage group.
by Steve Sagué
Posted in Marriage
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